Apparently....

If someone is nice and complimentary it is either sucking up or unattractive.

That's what I was told yesterday when chatting in one of a handful of groups I visit occasionally. I was thanked for sharing some of my experiences here and in return I stated that I enjoyed their blog also, she is so much more talented at writing than me and able to express her experiences with her balance of work/family and social commitments. I commented that I admire her balancing act and how she was always happy, we chatted for a while and it was nice.

Then someone chimed in with a simple, cutting comment:

Doesn't it make you sick when people want to give off the vibe to sweetness?

At first I wasn't sure this person had posted in the right place, after all we were on a group that was very active for mums that work at home and is very lively, sometimes contentious. I didn't comment after this, I've had enough of trying to explain myself and ending up in a dispute so now I avoid it at all costs.

This person made a few more comments then called me out, then the lady I was chatting to. I was very taken aback so I bit my tongue and took the plunge and asked:

What is it you feel is fake?

That lead to a barrage of comments that didn't seem to fit. Perhaps she was having a really bad day, perhaps she was misunderstanding the chatter going on with Pat and I, perhaps she was a troll, I didn't know so I said no more. For a couple of hours later I was constantly tagged in her comments, as was Pat. By this time Pat had messaged me to ask if I knew what was going on, I'd said I didn't and that I wasn't responding anymore.

Then came the next level. This is the exact message she sent to me privately:

You think you are so much better than the rest of us with your faith that you make me sick. Your positive attitude and 'nice' words makes you look stupid and sound boring no wonder you are on your own, get real and take a gook look at life, it's not all flowers and hearts. Have you not learned anything at all in your sad life? You've obviously been spoiled, probably by rich parents who gave you everything. Well not everyone is like this and not everyone has the perfect life with perfect kids so do us a favour and get a grip with yourself you pathetic, sad do gooder.

I admit I ended up in tears. I usually have the ability to distance myself from people like this but sometimes I just fail on the spot.

I closed the message and shut down the laptop intending to dismiss it, stop shaking and put it in perspective. I prayed for comfort, asking if I really am the way this person described. I have no issue in admitting I have insecurities and self esteem issues but I don't let them take over my life, I work on them and only those closest to me know how deep they go and how hard I am working on them. This incident didn't help at all.

Pat messaged me again asking if I'm ok. She said she'd had a message off this person being called names and insulted on her choices in life etc and wondered if I'd had anything similar. I haven't replied yet. I don't want this conversation but for the life of me I cannot (and will not) be ignorant so at some point I have to reply, after all she hasn't said or done anything wrong.

I don't think I'll reply to this person with the attitude but part of me wants to explain to her that I've had 4 life times in one, I've had some serious things happen to me, devastating that no woman or person should have but I survived b/c I refuse to be a loser or quitter. She doesn't know a fraction of me or my life yet deemed fit to judge me so harshly. Somehow I have to let that be ok but tonight it isn't. I find myself wondering back to some of the comments she said, I understand that being too positive can appear light hearted and unrealistic but I try to choose my words so I include that I try this or that, I don't include words like 'always' as you can bet your bottom dollar the next minute I'll contradict that! Sods law?

I admit that I do try to see positive in negatives, I do like to compliment people, I do like to thank them for something they've helped me with, I do like to acknowledge that a friendship is special. I do like to point out someones good points and I really don't like to do the negative unless its something I feel I have no choice on and/or I'm backed in a corner.

I have always had the gratitude gene. I have always had good manners (thanks mom and dad). I have always been able to see the positive in the negative but that doesn't mean that I don't get negative or feel defeated, of course I do! I do get annoyed at some people when I feel disrespected and I try to deal with it, if it can't be dealt with I will avoid that person unless they corner me to 'own up'. Perhaps I am wrong but I do what I think is right and I'll take the blame for it.

There are many people who know the story of my life, some took a long time to come to terms with it and connect me with some of the things that have happened. I get it, some things are so far gone that it's not unusual to be asked why I'm sane (yeah I know, that's debatable! lol) or how I can be happy.

Let me tell you something really, really simple.

I choose to be happy. I choose to try. I choose to keep going. I choose to be better. I choose to learn. I choose to be nice. I choose because my loving Heavenly Father has asked me to. I choose because He has given me the ability to do this, even to fail at it but definitely to get back up. I choose because as my dad says 'no-one is a loser till they give up' I choose because Gordon B Hinckley exhorted all of us to make the decision before the event, set the standard, take ownership of yourself and be the best we can be. I am the best I can be today, tomorrow I hope to be better. I cannot take on board what someone else thinks but I can decide who I am going to be.

I realise that probably sounds arrogant or all consuming, I really don't mean it in that way. If I don't stand for me who is? I have one life to get it right, make mistakes, learn and move on. I have one life to learn so much and if some people don't like me, that's ok, that's nothing to do with me.

For all my joking around I am a sensitive person. Some parts of it I hide and some parts I don't, I'm learning (pretty fast today!) that not everyone can or will accept you for what you are without assuming you have an ulterior motive.

In many ways my life is an open book, but if you want to know something I haven't spoken of, please ask.... if I find it too personal I will tell you kindly and explain why.

In exhort you all that read this to think on how you put yourself across online.... having a right to be you is all well and good if you accept that you have the right to accept the responsibilities that come with it.

Debs