So I took the first dosage of Metha on 19th February and I felt like I had real hope again. The kids were away that night and most of the next day and while I was grateful for some time alone I woke up to enjoy being able to walk with just one crutch to the toilet, make myself a drink and carry it back to the living room. I even got to stand for a little longer than usual so I washed up, cleaned the sides and even hoovered the kitchen and utility room all in one go! I was rockin' it :)
I had a party to create for the following saturday. For me this wasn't any ole party it was for some really good friends of mine who were celebrating their marriage after tying the knot up in Scotland last November. I wanted to make this super special. Kirsten and I worked our buts off to create some amazing pieces, on the day in question we had to into town to pick up a few essentials but the tyre was flat on my wheelchair so I used my crutches. I know I'll never be able to walk round town again so I realise I have to know my limits and work with them. Well that walk to the three shops we needed about killed me but I was girl on a mission and nothing was going to stop me!
The afternoon was spent setting the room up, hugely disappointed that some of the elaborate decorations couldn't go up, or the lighted archway I wanted to make and a few other things because of the walls being breeze block. I was gutted but thankfully Sharon and Jamie were happy with it and that's what counts. I guess. We got back home with enough time for us to shower/bathe, get dressed then head back to Taunton to party the night away. I was in so much pain by this time that I took the codeine and had a hot bubble bath, we aimed to be at the party for 7.30.
I woke up at 10.15 throwing up in the cold bath water. Kirsten was ill so she'd taken herself off to bed and Charley was flat out on his bed (which I found out later). I shot up panicking, vomit floating around me and starting to dither. Oh boy, this never happened when I used to drink!! I managed to get my phone and toyed with the idea of sending a photo to Sharon so she didn't' think I was making excuses for not being there but I figured not. Lol I was gutted all over again. I've waited for this night for months.
For the next 7/8 days I spent wretching and vomiting around twice per hour, 24 hours per day. I sipped water, bought it up, ate a biscuit, bought it up, sipped homemade soup, bought it up, tried dry toast, bought it up. Eventually I stopped trying and began bringing up the bile. I was tired, my head hurt and I wanted to cry. I did cry. I had to get through this though, it would be worth it. I hope.
Wednesday 26th came during this time so I took the second dosage of Methotrexate and a dry, tickly cough.
Folic acid followed the following Saturday.
I wasn't sure they were going to stay in my system with all the vomiting.
Life carried on. In between the episodes I was able to move better, less pain (thanks to the jab at this point) so I got on with my mom duties and even got out a little more, though only locally.
Wednesday 5th March came around and the third dose of Metha came. I was dreading it. I was regaining a fear of throwing up, like I'd had when I had Norovirus twice within a 5 week period just after we moved into this house 2 years ago. Its a horrible fear to have. The nausea moved on to be affected more with the tickly cough. As Kirsten had had a chest infection just before I'd assumed I'd got it from here. The thing with Rheumatoid Arthritis is your immunity system fights itself so you are less able to sustain bugs and the like. I'd just assumed this was just a bug till my friend Sharon asked if the cough was a side effect of the Metha. Finding out it is, indeed a side effect I didn't know what to make of it but at least this lingering cough had a reason.
My mobility is stable, still thanks to the sulfasalazine so I am able to do more around the house than I have for a long time so I take my mind off it with organising, tidying, sorting, creating and just spending time with my kids and homeschooling Charley. In my own little world that I've chosen that will be happy, filled with gratitude and whatever else that creates a feeling of hope, love and positiveness in my home, my kids and myself. Life may be small but it's definitely significant.
I constantly relay my mind to some advice I was given a couple of months ago, to repeat something to myself regularly, ''I am enough''. All I will say is that is probably the best advice I've had (and taken) for a very long time, it's made, and still makes a big positive impact on my life and way of thinking/feeling.
This week is my 4th week at the Methotrexate. I don't know yet what will come with it but I know that I am so fatigued I don't know what's what, I potter around the house stopping and starting, aching and recovering, napping then coughing, throwing up and struggling for breath. This is a rollercoaster I have faith in but it doesn't mean that sometimes I just want to get off for a minute.
Of course, it's magnified that I'm doing this alone. My kids are one thing and as good as they are there's a certain side I don't want to discuss with them. Yet how can I expect anyone to take this on?
Now I'm awaiting the events of this week, I still have the cough though it's much better. I am able to keep drinks and some light foods down but it's a given that between 1 and 2 times during the night I will wake up in a coughing fit and it wont stop till I've retched. Still, that's an improvement to being 6/7 6 times a night.
Debs
I had a party to create for the following saturday. For me this wasn't any ole party it was for some really good friends of mine who were celebrating their marriage after tying the knot up in Scotland last November. I wanted to make this super special. Kirsten and I worked our buts off to create some amazing pieces, on the day in question we had to into town to pick up a few essentials but the tyre was flat on my wheelchair so I used my crutches. I know I'll never be able to walk round town again so I realise I have to know my limits and work with them. Well that walk to the three shops we needed about killed me but I was girl on a mission and nothing was going to stop me!
The afternoon was spent setting the room up, hugely disappointed that some of the elaborate decorations couldn't go up, or the lighted archway I wanted to make and a few other things because of the walls being breeze block. I was gutted but thankfully Sharon and Jamie were happy with it and that's what counts. I guess. We got back home with enough time for us to shower/bathe, get dressed then head back to Taunton to party the night away. I was in so much pain by this time that I took the codeine and had a hot bubble bath, we aimed to be at the party for 7.30.
I woke up at 10.15 throwing up in the cold bath water. Kirsten was ill so she'd taken herself off to bed and Charley was flat out on his bed (which I found out later). I shot up panicking, vomit floating around me and starting to dither. Oh boy, this never happened when I used to drink!! I managed to get my phone and toyed with the idea of sending a photo to Sharon so she didn't' think I was making excuses for not being there but I figured not. Lol I was gutted all over again. I've waited for this night for months.
For the next 7/8 days I spent wretching and vomiting around twice per hour, 24 hours per day. I sipped water, bought it up, ate a biscuit, bought it up, sipped homemade soup, bought it up, tried dry toast, bought it up. Eventually I stopped trying and began bringing up the bile. I was tired, my head hurt and I wanted to cry. I did cry. I had to get through this though, it would be worth it. I hope.
Wednesday 26th came during this time so I took the second dosage of Methotrexate and a dry, tickly cough.
Folic acid followed the following Saturday.
I wasn't sure they were going to stay in my system with all the vomiting.
Life carried on. In between the episodes I was able to move better, less pain (thanks to the jab at this point) so I got on with my mom duties and even got out a little more, though only locally.
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| Borrowed from www.123rf.com |
Wednesday 5th March came around and the third dose of Metha came. I was dreading it. I was regaining a fear of throwing up, like I'd had when I had Norovirus twice within a 5 week period just after we moved into this house 2 years ago. Its a horrible fear to have. The nausea moved on to be affected more with the tickly cough. As Kirsten had had a chest infection just before I'd assumed I'd got it from here. The thing with Rheumatoid Arthritis is your immunity system fights itself so you are less able to sustain bugs and the like. I'd just assumed this was just a bug till my friend Sharon asked if the cough was a side effect of the Metha. Finding out it is, indeed a side effect I didn't know what to make of it but at least this lingering cough had a reason.
My mobility is stable, still thanks to the sulfasalazine so I am able to do more around the house than I have for a long time so I take my mind off it with organising, tidying, sorting, creating and just spending time with my kids and homeschooling Charley. In my own little world that I've chosen that will be happy, filled with gratitude and whatever else that creates a feeling of hope, love and positiveness in my home, my kids and myself. Life may be small but it's definitely significant.
I constantly relay my mind to some advice I was given a couple of months ago, to repeat something to myself regularly, ''I am enough''. All I will say is that is probably the best advice I've had (and taken) for a very long time, it's made, and still makes a big positive impact on my life and way of thinking/feeling.
This week is my 4th week at the Methotrexate. I don't know yet what will come with it but I know that I am so fatigued I don't know what's what, I potter around the house stopping and starting, aching and recovering, napping then coughing, throwing up and struggling for breath. This is a rollercoaster I have faith in but it doesn't mean that sometimes I just want to get off for a minute.
Of course, it's magnified that I'm doing this alone. My kids are one thing and as good as they are there's a certain side I don't want to discuss with them. Yet how can I expect anyone to take this on?
Now I'm awaiting the events of this week, I still have the cough though it's much better. I am able to keep drinks and some light foods down but it's a given that between 1 and 2 times during the night I will wake up in a coughing fit and it wont stop till I've retched. Still, that's an improvement to being 6/7 6 times a night.
Debs
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