Wednesday 25 September 2013

Me and Mr Arthritis

I'm no expert on arthritis.

I reluctantly suffer with it. On 2nd March 2013 I had my world tipped upside down when I was diagnosed with Osteo and Rheumatoid arthritis.

The hope that the knee injury 7 years ago was just an unfixed issue was dashed.

My life will never be the same again.

I will never be the same either.

My hopes, goals, dreams and plans need to change. I have done this very reluctanty.

While in one tiny way it was a relief to find a reason for the issues I was having I can't help but feel robbed by the diagnosis.

Let's go back a little.

25 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child I found that when I got out of bed on a morning my feet would burn. I thought this was a pregancy issue. It still happens now along with my hands, only now it can be so much worse, painful to the point of wanting to cry. It lasts all day and night, seven days a week. Some times are worse than others and very rarely, because I can't wear full shoes very often I get cold feet. This is the most beautiful feeling! However, it doesn't last. The contrast between hot and cold still hurts. When they warm up they burn with a vengeance. Either way I don't win.

For years I'd have bouts of fatigue. I had no idea it was this. The times I cried b/c I couldn't understand why I was so tired when I felt I'd slept pretty ok through the night. I would get accused of being lazy (regardless of the house being spotless, kids organised and still maintaining a family) my social and work life suffered and I plodded on feeling pretty useless.

I was cleaning the stairs one day and I dislocated my knee. Within minutes it was the size of a balloon. X-rays showed no damage, MRI showed (according to the knee surgeon) that I had bad genes and it was just wear and tear. One day, 2 years later I woke up to the other knee out of action. Very swollen, unable to bend it and barely able to walk on it. This panicked me. Further examinations showed it was just in sympathy with the other knee and over worked b/c I'd formed a limp.

5 years on, my car dies. I live in an area that is 1/2 mile from a main road, 1 mile from my sons school/daughters college and a shop. I tried cycling but this made it worse.

In the end I decided to see my GP, I was confident this one would take more notice of what I'm telling them.

Then came the diagnosis.

Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

This explained so much! For over 20 years I've had Rheumatoid Arthritis, this explains the fatigue, inability to bend/straighten/lean on my legs and the burning.

I'm not sure at this point what the Osteo is doing but I do know that by the time its finished I will have deforemed joints, to what severity or what time frame I have no idea. This is at the back of my mind for the time being as its the Rheumatoid that affects me most.

Life at 44, mom to 4, nanna to 2 and being self employed from home is not as I knew it. I receive ongoing counselling to help me mentally and emotionally adjust. Flare ups can last from a day to a month. Getting to the toilet can be a huge challenge, even though I have one downstairs and I'm probably only 30 feet from it. Carrying a drink is difficut with crutches. Crutches, oh yes, the tools that are my legs that are never far away. the tools that help and prevent all in one. Either way, I'm grateful I have them b/c even though I can't walk round a shop anymore I can walk round my home even if very slow.

I take each day as it comes now. I work when I have the energy/mobility/flexibility. I clean in between the days the cleaner comes in and I read/write/facebook/create when the mind is willing. Some days I'm ok with it, other days I feel like I'm wasting my life away.

An upside is I'm learning patience.

I hate that word, do you? ;)

So while I'll talk about arthritis and how it affects me here, I would love to hear from anyone else who suffers with it, or is a carer for someone with it. My condition has affected the lives of all my family, especially my kids at home (9 & 17) so I'm constantly trying to make alternative things happen for their sakes.

Debs

No comments: