Let's set a few things straight

More than any time in the last 10 months I am ok about my arthritis. This is my personal journey and I'm in my way to accepting it for what it is and the changes it brings. It's rife with frustrations but I made a decision to deal with each frustration separately and see where a negative can turn to a positive; sometimes it fails but mostly it works.

The biggest things arthritis steals from you is mobility and self confidence. You adapt to one and work on the other, it's a work in progress with no time frame, no pressure and no hard and fast rules but actioning the choice is worth the hard work it brings.

There are times I miss being able to just get up and grab a drink or pop upstairs or stand long enough to put a shelf up and it's shocking when you realise how much you need support. Sometimes it's all I can do to not break down. However, long ago I decided I wanted to keep my mostly happy happy attitude and I have.

Everyone's journey is different, our personalities, expectations, commitments, choices and tolerance varies a great deal so this is my view only.

In my home there are three of us here, my youngest two children and yours truly. My older boys live and work 10 miles away with my mom and support me in ways they can. I also have great friends near and far. The near ones are special independently and collectively.

Today my daughter (17) went to visit her friend for a few days and within 3 hours I was hit with how much she does for me, the times she has my back for little things that I've come to take for granted. I feel guilty that I take up so much of her time as I do but I'm grateful she is a caring person who loves me enough to never complain and always tries her best. She needs to also be a teen though and continue with her career choice without feeling she's letting me down. She also works part time for my business.

I've realised I have to look at a few things differently, for both all sakes.

You see, I use furniture or my crutches indoors now, I do my physio but even they know it's limited. Standing is limited to 3/4 seconds and the pain appears quickly and sharply. I have to plan out a route when I'm tidying up, on a different level I get irritated walking round moving things I shouldn't have to, I guess that's just part if what I need to get across more effectively!

If I drop something I can rarely pick it up so it stays there till the kids are around, sometimes this can be a spilt drink if I can't balance properly. My once organised and clean home has become something hit and miss that breaks my heart to what feels like a drop in standard.

My youngest sons school and I are often at logger heads, so I'm still trying to educate them on life as a disabled parent and hopefully it doesn't sound like a woe me story. I refuse self pity and why me attitudes!

However, reorganising my priorities is the way forward. Readjusting how I do things will help and I know I want to keep my independence as long as possible so I'll push the ticket where I can.

Let me talk a little of the physical imperfections I deal with b/c through this blog I want to share how I'm trying, failing and learning things that may help someone else.

* osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis - OA is quietly plodding on in the background not causing much of a nuisance so this is primarily focussing on RA.

* my fingers, wrists, toes and ankles constantly throb and have mild pain that isn't too bad. I use hand/arm splints moulded to me for my arms and I can't wear firm/snug shoes or heals.

* I've worn glasses for years but the arthritis has deteriorated them quite rapidly so I now have 2 pairs of glasses. Reading and regular. These changed twice this last year.

* not arthritis related till it comes to meds, I have asthma and palpitations with my heart, nothing serious but it's monitored twice a year and I use inhalers when I need them.

* I have significant hearing loss due to a childhood mess up in a hospital appt so perusing a hearing aid.

* sleep and fatigue. Two VERY, VERY different things. I deal with insomnia which I attribute to the responsibilities of life but when fatigue comes aknocking it's a very different story. I'll talk more on this soon.

* my knees are affected the most. Regular jabs (steroids) help temporarily but ongoing meds take the edge off but by far makes my life harder without them.

So I have an extra two legs, my crutches. I use a grabber given to me by my friend Jamie which is great for when I'm sat down only. I use two toilet risers, a shower seat, noodle covers for cutlery, a riser at the bottom of my bed b/c my feet burn so this keeps the covers off them then I have my wheelchair that I have to use when I go anywhere.

I struggle to drive a manual car so I have to limit where I go, I always need someone with me when I go out and I am not confident to be home alone incase I fall due to dodgy balance or my knee gives way but this cannot hold anyone prisoner here!

Over the coming weeks I will cover the above things and how I'm trying to find a way to become more independent and remain so. I'll also be sharing some emotional frustrations, what motivates me and a little about my faith and how it helps. I shall also be talking rather candidly about relationships.

Let me state something here; I am a 45 year old mom of four (25/23/17/9) nanna of two, single parent with absent father and I'm self employed in the kids party business so I have a lot to share!

I'm always interested in other peoples ideas and experiences so please feel free to comment and where possible I will include/address my take in another post.

Debs
Ps super impressed you got to this point!!



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