I don't recall not struggling with this throughout my life, so many times I put it down to an incident or social pressure or something but of recent years I've understood more of what it actually is so I decided to empower myself with overcoming it and understanding why I react and/or feel how I do when it strikes.
Before I begin, let me share something:
Taken from Oxford Dictionaries
Far too often I have first noticed my imperfections before I've accredited myself to any of my strengths, I've even told myself that my down points outweigh the good because people are critical before they are complimentary. Perhaps they are but I first needed to stop allowing others opinions of me rule my self confidence and have a say in it.
For years I've joked that I'm an acquired taste, a rough diamond etc. In truth, we are all an acquired taste because wouldn't it be strange (though wonderful) if we all liked one another? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all knew how to share differing opinions without falling out or judging?
Judgement. I think that word sends chills down all our spines when we feel we are being judged, especially harshly or with inconclusive information. Our natural self wants to defend or explain ourselves, and that is fine till we do so in a way that sometimes can turn against us, especially if we cant find the right words. That too can be remedied with spending time with ourself to ponder these things and work out our strategy.
We all want and need approval in one way or another, its human nature but what if even when we get it we tear it apart? Yep, I've done that too.
These last few months (which I thank Mr Arthritis for) I've had to work harder on how I feel about myself. Society dictates what we should be, who we should be, how we should be and where we should be. While I've met many of my targets and goals in life there are more that I've had to hang up for good in this life. Some I still anchor after, such as being a kid again, long walks and bike rides with the granddaughters but because I won't let it dictate any longer I am finding replacement goals. In turn, not only am I feeling more in control of my life but I am feeling more confident in the roles I play.
Back in the day I was slim, outgoing, lively, busy, fun and if I do say myself, rather attractive. I attracted people to me in any situation I was in, male and female and I loved it. Knowing so many great people from different backgrounds, ages and walks of life was exactly what I enjoyed. I loved socialising, dinner parties, girls nights in and all else that meant being happy and fun. I had no idea what made me that way except I decided to enjoy life, live fast and be happy. Looking back I was at the most confident I'd ever been. I'd done the 'process of elimination' of people in my life who bought me down and/or insisted on drama/negativity and revamped. It worked. I shined like a star. I was nicknamed 'sickly happy' and 'the girl to be seen with'. Then I met and settled down with someone who was attracted me for the wrong reasons, instead of me growing b/c of him he drained me. I didn't see it till it was too late but by then I'd lost a part of me and wasn't sure I'd be able to get it back.
Self confidence affects all areas of life. As a mom and a nanna I am grateful I have understanding and patience from my family who work with me not against me. My friends also work around me, encourage me and accept me for how I am. As for me, Debs, then that is a little more tricky because I don't see why I should stop many of my goals and dreams. I want my own business to thrive and grow, to sustain not only my family but employ others to help them sustain theirs, to be more involved in charity work and support areas that are most vulnerable. I want to give and share the good that I have/receive, I also know I will achieve this.
I also refuse to not continue to build up the home we have to create the one I dream of. I'm not a materialist but I do know how to proportion and prioritise nice things v greed. I can still work on my interests too and all the while my self confidence is flowing. It's such a lovely feeling :)
I was challenged a couple of weeks ago to speak out load a statement each time I looked in the mirror.
I took that challenge, for some who are on my Facebook friends list will know that not only have I shared some frustrating statuses this last year but some angry, self damaging ones too when some negative issues arose with a neighbour. I don't do well with gossip, lies and half truths and I reacted rather than kept it in perspective. A huge thing I had to work on, overcome and accept. But I done it. It's nice to be me again.
Then I decided it was past time to rebuild my testimony and return to church. I can't truthfully say why I fell away, I know one of the things I've always struggled with is being single in a family church. I guess I just don't have that inner strength. However, having made the decision and starting putting things in place again I worked hard to refer to my private blessing from God and work harder in the knowledge that no-one knows or loves me like He does and given that He never makes mistakes it was up to me to win or lose - I'm no loser.
This past week I've felt my self confidence grow in all areas of my life. I feel like I am worth something, worth time and effort. "I am enough" is my new mantra. I shall keep it, remind myself of it daily and continue to take it on board. It's early days yet but sometimes when you know something fits, you just know. I know I am enough.
My self confidence will continue to grow because its a seed in me that will continue to need watering and nurturing. Some people have other insecurities, this is mine. I accept there will be downfalls but the determination to nip it in the bud when it rears its head is a pre-decision that will enable me to overcome a life long challenge.
I hope to get to the day where I don't feel that I need to hide behind my humour to get through a moment and/or a conversation.
There is one area left to work on my self confidence issues: relationships. For me this is a whole new world to work on b/c being disabled is not something most guys want to take on (unless they have similar disabilities and it can become a good thing) and I understand that totally. To admit to yourself what you can and cant take on is being honest, to admit to another is not only brave (!!) but essential. Some will understand, some wont. The one thing us disabled people do (or it could just be me) is not bother trying to date. I don't want pity or someone to fix me, and that is a natural reaction from most people, especially guys. So this area of my life will remain on hold. I'm totally ok with that.
I will probably talk about this again in few months....but in the meantime I'm keen to hear your thoughts on it.
Debs
Before I begin, let me share something:
Taken from Oxford Dictionaries
I'm sure many of us have struggled with this at some point in our lives, and some more than others. My natural inclination when I see something isn't right in myself is to ponder it, learn more about it, pray about it and find ways to turn it around. Sounds easy, right? If it's worth doing, it's rarely easy but the results are empowering and often life changing.NOUN
Far too often I have first noticed my imperfections before I've accredited myself to any of my strengths, I've even told myself that my down points outweigh the good because people are critical before they are complimentary. Perhaps they are but I first needed to stop allowing others opinions of me rule my self confidence and have a say in it.
For years I've joked that I'm an acquired taste, a rough diamond etc. In truth, we are all an acquired taste because wouldn't it be strange (though wonderful) if we all liked one another? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all knew how to share differing opinions without falling out or judging?
Judgement. I think that word sends chills down all our spines when we feel we are being judged, especially harshly or with inconclusive information. Our natural self wants to defend or explain ourselves, and that is fine till we do so in a way that sometimes can turn against us, especially if we cant find the right words. That too can be remedied with spending time with ourself to ponder these things and work out our strategy.
We all want and need approval in one way or another, its human nature but what if even when we get it we tear it apart? Yep, I've done that too.
These last few months (which I thank Mr Arthritis for) I've had to work harder on how I feel about myself. Society dictates what we should be, who we should be, how we should be and where we should be. While I've met many of my targets and goals in life there are more that I've had to hang up for good in this life. Some I still anchor after, such as being a kid again, long walks and bike rides with the granddaughters but because I won't let it dictate any longer I am finding replacement goals. In turn, not only am I feeling more in control of my life but I am feeling more confident in the roles I play.
Back in the day I was slim, outgoing, lively, busy, fun and if I do say myself, rather attractive. I attracted people to me in any situation I was in, male and female and I loved it. Knowing so many great people from different backgrounds, ages and walks of life was exactly what I enjoyed. I loved socialising, dinner parties, girls nights in and all else that meant being happy and fun. I had no idea what made me that way except I decided to enjoy life, live fast and be happy. Looking back I was at the most confident I'd ever been. I'd done the 'process of elimination' of people in my life who bought me down and/or insisted on drama/negativity and revamped. It worked. I shined like a star. I was nicknamed 'sickly happy' and 'the girl to be seen with'. Then I met and settled down with someone who was attracted me for the wrong reasons, instead of me growing b/c of him he drained me. I didn't see it till it was too late but by then I'd lost a part of me and wasn't sure I'd be able to get it back.
Self confidence affects all areas of life. As a mom and a nanna I am grateful I have understanding and patience from my family who work with me not against me. My friends also work around me, encourage me and accept me for how I am. As for me, Debs, then that is a little more tricky because I don't see why I should stop many of my goals and dreams. I want my own business to thrive and grow, to sustain not only my family but employ others to help them sustain theirs, to be more involved in charity work and support areas that are most vulnerable. I want to give and share the good that I have/receive, I also know I will achieve this.
I also refuse to not continue to build up the home we have to create the one I dream of. I'm not a materialist but I do know how to proportion and prioritise nice things v greed. I can still work on my interests too and all the while my self confidence is flowing. It's such a lovely feeling :)
I was challenged a couple of weeks ago to speak out load a statement each time I looked in the mirror.
I am enough
I took that challenge, for some who are on my Facebook friends list will know that not only have I shared some frustrating statuses this last year but some angry, self damaging ones too when some negative issues arose with a neighbour. I don't do well with gossip, lies and half truths and I reacted rather than kept it in perspective. A huge thing I had to work on, overcome and accept. But I done it. It's nice to be me again.
Then I decided it was past time to rebuild my testimony and return to church. I can't truthfully say why I fell away, I know one of the things I've always struggled with is being single in a family church. I guess I just don't have that inner strength. However, having made the decision and starting putting things in place again I worked hard to refer to my private blessing from God and work harder in the knowledge that no-one knows or loves me like He does and given that He never makes mistakes it was up to me to win or lose - I'm no loser.
This past week I've felt my self confidence grow in all areas of my life. I feel like I am worth something, worth time and effort. "I am enough" is my new mantra. I shall keep it, remind myself of it daily and continue to take it on board. It's early days yet but sometimes when you know something fits, you just know. I know I am enough.
My self confidence will continue to grow because its a seed in me that will continue to need watering and nurturing. Some people have other insecurities, this is mine. I accept there will be downfalls but the determination to nip it in the bud when it rears its head is a pre-decision that will enable me to overcome a life long challenge.
I hope to get to the day where I don't feel that I need to hide behind my humour to get through a moment and/or a conversation.
There is one area left to work on my self confidence issues: relationships. For me this is a whole new world to work on b/c being disabled is not something most guys want to take on (unless they have similar disabilities and it can become a good thing) and I understand that totally. To admit to yourself what you can and cant take on is being honest, to admit to another is not only brave (!!) but essential. Some will understand, some wont. The one thing us disabled people do (or it could just be me) is not bother trying to date. I don't want pity or someone to fix me, and that is a natural reaction from most people, especially guys. So this area of my life will remain on hold. I'm totally ok with that.
I will probably talk about this again in few months....but in the meantime I'm keen to hear your thoughts on it.
Debs
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