Arthritis is not a choice. There is no known cure. We have good days and bad days. It's a lifetime sentence.
However, you may have figured that I have decided to deal with my OA/RA as positively as I can, no matter what. Yes I've done depression, I've struggled to accept the diagnosis, I've grieved for what was my future life, I've cried for lost goals and dreams and I yearn to do just one thing I couldn't do just one year ago.
But
My friends and family have no clue how to 'deal' with me when I'm down in the dumps, 1. because they can't fix it and 2. because they just aren't used to me being so miserable. I love my friends and family too much to not include them in how I now live my life. They deserve to still see the best of me as well as the struggles, pain and frustration. I allow them to assure me it'll ease, even if they have no clue what they're talking about I love the fact they care enough to listen and let me have a moment. I don't concern myself with those who don't want to understand, I 'get' that they don't and sometimes can't, I give them permission to be indifferent and/or ignorant. I just allow them to be who they are, and wish them well.
So my message today is forgive yourself, you are no less imperfect now than you were before your diagnosis, you just have another bow in your belt to further understand patience, compassion and acceptance. Nurture these qualities. Stop expecting everyone to know what you know, teach them, explain to them. Use positive words, use descriptives rather than words that sound like you are complaining. People just don't know what to say or do if we just sit and complain. Be careful not to over express the condition, otherwise you will find that you will run out of stronger words when you need them most. I'm probably speaking out of turn here, I apologise if I offend anyone, I really don't wish to do that but I am being candid b/c I just do that sometimes!
Today is a good day for me, I've cleaned my kitchen, sorted some stuff out for a wedding party I'm decorating and accessorising and I have 12 cake pops/12 valentine sweets on a stick to make as well as prepare Charley's homeschool lessons for next week. I sit down during nearly all my tasks, I stand up when I can, take a couple of steps and sit again. However I do it, it's fine. I a still a mom first and foremost, I am a homemaker and I am self employed, I also endure osteo and rheumatiod arthritis.
In that order!
I forgive myself when I can't change a bed set, clean the bathroom or keep up with laundry. I forgive myself if I can't make it to church or go shopping. I forgive myself when I can't go visit a friend and serve her need for a friend on the phone. Forgiveness. It's such a beautiful word.
I exhort to anyone reading this to love yourself, forgive yourself and learn to take one day at a time, one step even. You will build your castle, just not as quickly or easily.
Debs
However, you may have figured that I have decided to deal with my OA/RA as positively as I can, no matter what. Yes I've done depression, I've struggled to accept the diagnosis, I've grieved for what was my future life, I've cried for lost goals and dreams and I yearn to do just one thing I couldn't do just one year ago.
But
My friends and family have no clue how to 'deal' with me when I'm down in the dumps, 1. because they can't fix it and 2. because they just aren't used to me being so miserable. I love my friends and family too much to not include them in how I now live my life. They deserve to still see the best of me as well as the struggles, pain and frustration. I allow them to assure me it'll ease, even if they have no clue what they're talking about I love the fact they care enough to listen and let me have a moment. I don't concern myself with those who don't want to understand, I 'get' that they don't and sometimes can't, I give them permission to be indifferent and/or ignorant. I just allow them to be who they are, and wish them well.
So my message today is forgive yourself, you are no less imperfect now than you were before your diagnosis, you just have another bow in your belt to further understand patience, compassion and acceptance. Nurture these qualities. Stop expecting everyone to know what you know, teach them, explain to them. Use positive words, use descriptives rather than words that sound like you are complaining. People just don't know what to say or do if we just sit and complain. Be careful not to over express the condition, otherwise you will find that you will run out of stronger words when you need them most. I'm probably speaking out of turn here, I apologise if I offend anyone, I really don't wish to do that but I am being candid b/c I just do that sometimes!
Today is a good day for me, I've cleaned my kitchen, sorted some stuff out for a wedding party I'm decorating and accessorising and I have 12 cake pops/12 valentine sweets on a stick to make as well as prepare Charley's homeschool lessons for next week. I sit down during nearly all my tasks, I stand up when I can, take a couple of steps and sit again. However I do it, it's fine. I a still a mom first and foremost, I am a homemaker and I am self employed, I also endure osteo and rheumatiod arthritis.
In that order!
I will not allow my diagnosis to redefine the me on the inside. I simply will not!
I forgive myself when I can't change a bed set, clean the bathroom or keep up with laundry. I forgive myself if I can't make it to church or go shopping. I forgive myself when I can't go visit a friend and serve her need for a friend on the phone. Forgiveness. It's such a beautiful word.
I exhort to anyone reading this to love yourself, forgive yourself and learn to take one day at a time, one step even. You will build your castle, just not as quickly or easily.
Debs
2 comments:
Hi Debs , this made me cry x its a mourning process i need to go through of the thing i have lost , i totally agree with you , i have to forgive myself xx thanks for sharing xx love ya hun xx pat hirst xx
Big hugs, Pat.
It's a journey, don't do it alone, let us share with you. You have RA for a reason or maybe just b/c... you are a wonderful lady, find a plus, one at a time and work on it.
Plan out comments that explain your feelings. Drip feed people around you.
You will achieve so much more than you bargained for :) xx
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